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Fic: Prospective Dating

Here it is: my first fanfic post!

Title: Prospective Dating
Author: Pinigir.
Fandom: House.
Characters/Pairing: House/Wilson friendship or pre-slash.
Rating: PG? PG-13?
Warnings: Contains a few (mild) curse words and minor allusions to slash.
Spoilers: The nutritionist is mentioned, so this could take place late in season 3 or after that.
Wilson thinks House needs to start dating again and gets some surprising news.
Disclaimer: I don’t own House. House is owned by David Shore and a bunch of other people who are not me.
Note 1: English is not my native language and this text isn’t betaed, which means that there might be some mistakes left in this. If anyone points out any mistakes in spelling, punctuation, grammar or sentence construction, I would be happy to correct these.
Note 2: This is the first fanfic ever for me to post on the web. I would love to know what people think of it. So, please review!

Prospective Dating

“You need to get a date.”

“I need a lot of things. What the hell brought this on?”

“The only person that you hung out with recently, has been me. You need to expand your social circle.”

“I don’t need to know more people.”

“Plus, you seem to be in a better mood when you’re getting some.”

“Ah, so this is all for selfish reasons.”

“I like to think of it as doing a good deed for the sake of mankind.”

“You’re so full of shit. I can’t understand how all these people cannot see through that saintly demeanor of yours.”

“People seem to buy it, yeah.”

“That’s why patients thank you when you tell them they’re gonna die. That’s why you’re still in the good books with that harem of ex-wives of yours. Sometimes I think you’re actually worse than me. I don’t try to hide the bastard that I am.”

“Sure, House. Don’t think that I don’t know what you’re trying to do; it’s not going to work. You’re not going to get me angry so I’ll forget everything else I wanted to say. As I was saying: you’re in dire need of a date.”

“Do you want to get rid of me? Do you want me to be out of the way, so that you can go back to rescuing clueless little girls and not feel guilty for leaving me to my own devices? It has been quite a while since your last marriage. Are you planning on hunting down number four?”

“House, this has nothing to do with me. And stop implying that I’m some kind of evil wives hunting manwhore.”

“Did I say anything like that? Do you think that you are?”

“House! Now you’re just being childish. Getting a date would really do you some good.”

“You are aware of the fact that my last dates have been disastrous, right? I mean, look at Cameron. And that nutrition chick.”

“Well, you need to date. And they say that practice makes perfect.”

“Whoever said that were idiots.”

“Of course, House. But you’re not going to weasel your way out of this by insulting everybody you can think of.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“No. No, it isn’t.”

“But I had such nice ideas on insulting Cuddy and her marvelous cleavage! Now I’m never going to be able to use them...”

“What does Cuddy have to do with this?”

“Everything I want her to. There’s more than a few things I can think of...”

“House, stop deflecting.”

“There really is no way to get you to let the subject go, is there?”


“Alright, I’ll humor you. What do you want from me?”

“Okay, I’m aware of the fact that you can think of many, many reasons why anybody wouldn’t be a good prospect when it comes to dating them, so I’m not going to ask you who you would want to spend a date with or be in a relationship with. Maybe we could start with you pointing out some of the people you would consider having sex with, with no strings attached. We can go from there.”

“Sex I can handle. All righty then, for the purpose of this exercise, I’ll show you a few examples of the meat I like.”

“Very nice image.”

“Let’s see. Her, her, her, him, her, him, him and her.”


“Wilson? Did your brain just crash?”

“Um, House, do you realize that three of them were men?”

“Gee, Wilson, whadda ya think? If I didn’t know, I would have pointed at them and said “her”. Then you could have pointed out to me that they were, in fact, “hims”. And then you would have had every right to call me an idiot.”


“I was fully aware of the fact that they were male specimens of the species. Prime examples at that.”


“Uh-huh. Are you done with your imitation of a fish already?”

“Sorry, but I didn’t expect to see you point out men. This was news for me.”

“Really, Wilson, you didn’t know that?”

“How could I? You certainly never told anything.”

“I thought it was obvious. Didn’t you hear all the things I said about Chase?”

“I thought those were a joke.”

“They were. But I was also kind of serious.”


“How eloquent, Wilson.”

“Okay... So I assume we could put men on the list of potential dates.”


“You know, I’ve never seen you with a guy before. How come?”

“Like I said before, my dating experiences suck. It wasn’t a secret or anything. Just very bad luck.”

“So, have you ever? You know, with a man?”

“What do you think?”

“Oh, right. Of course.”

“Are you gonna ask for details next? ‘Cause I could give you a demonstration...”

“No, thanks. Hey, why didn’t you ever make a pass at me?”

“Who says I didn’t?”

“Nothing that wasn’t a joke.”

“If you have to drag it out of me: I didn’t think it was a good idea. I didn’t want to risk the friendship. Better to have a friend and not an ex-friend or ex-lover.”

“That’s actually kind of sweet.”

“I am no such thing.”

“If you say so.”

“I say so.”

“That’s settled, then.”



“Are you okay with this? I thought you knew, but you obviously didn’t. I don’t want things getting strange between us.”

“Well, it takes some getting used to, maybe. But nothing has really changed, has it? I think we’re going to be okay.”

“Do you still want to set me up on a date?”

“That was the plan, yes.”

“Damn! I so hoped I would have scared you away with all this!”

“No such luck.”

“Damn. But at least I get to see you squirm while selecting my potential partners. Or, should I say, victims?”

“There is that.”

“Well, bye. Gotta go now. Minions to terrorize. Patients to harrass.”

“Good luck with that.”

That was it. I hope you liked it.



( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
Mar. 23rd, 2009 03:07 am (UTC)
"And stop implying that I’m some kind of evil wives hunting manwhore."

Fabulous line! Well done!
Mar. 23rd, 2009 02:29 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 03:16 am (UTC)
I really like this story. XD Definitely a good job well done! Funny and very in character.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 02:32 pm (UTC)
Thanks! I wasn't entirely sure of Wilson's in character-ness at some points in the fic. I haven't botched it op too badly, then.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 03:30 am (UTC)
nice! i like it
Mar. 23rd, 2009 02:33 pm (UTC)
Mar. 23rd, 2009 04:44 am (UTC)

(nutricion should be nutrition)
Mar. 23rd, 2009 01:25 pm (UTC)
Thanks for pointing that out to me. I had made the same mistake somewhere else in the post and already changed that, but I had forgotten that there was an another instance of me using that word (in the wrong spelling). I've corrected it now.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 12:51 pm (UTC)
"Wilson, did your brain just crash?"

Haha. Love it.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 02:35 pm (UTC)
Mar. 23rd, 2009 01:50 pm (UTC)
haha - that was cute! A very House-ish way to come out too.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 02:42 pm (UTC)

I didn't think House is the type to hide himself in a closet. But he can be very secretive about his private life, if he wants to.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 03:35 pm (UTC)
Exactly. And just like him to think that it's obvious without him saying it.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 04:02 pm (UTC)
He forgets that others aren't as good with analyzing every little bit about a person as he is. And then there is the fact that others often don't take his comments seriously. Even if they notice something, they might brush it off as just House being House.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC)
I love this! Wilson being all awkward and House being House-ish. Fabulous
Mar. 23rd, 2009 11:20 pm (UTC)
Mar. 23rd, 2009 09:16 pm (UTC)
"dour" should be "dire."

Nice banter.
Mar. 23rd, 2009 11:24 pm (UTC)
Thanks. Fixed it.
(Deleted comment)
Mar. 29th, 2009 12:44 am (UTC)
Thanks! I don't think I can come up with a sequel for this, but I have some ideas for other House related fanfic.
Apr. 17th, 2009 01:11 am (UTC)
Excellent. It was very funny, even if it did have a bit of an abrupt ending. Also, I think your grammar and such was better than most of the originally English-speaking people I know lol.

“Are you gonna ask for details next? ‘Cause I could give you a demonstration...”
lmao. SO house.
Apr. 18th, 2009 03:23 pm (UTC)

Yeah, the ending might have been a bit abrupt. I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I just stopped there.
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )